


Everything Leads to You

by probscrying



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017), Riverdale - Fandom, choni - Fandom
Genre: AU, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Drugs, F/F, Mental Illness, Self Harm, Slow Burn, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Weed, choni, met at a party, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:48:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23984077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/probscrying/pseuds/probscrying
Summary: AUCheryl has dealt with depression and anxiety since she was a teenager. She’s now in her early twenties and feels like she finally has her life some-what together. Her housemate drags her out to a party one weekend where she randomly meets a stranger wearing an Eeyore onesie who happens to change her life.-or-A Cheryl centric fic that is the story of how her and Toni came to be together.
Relationships: Cheryl Blossom & Toni Topaz, Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz
Comments: 11
Kudos: 93





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I’ve only ever written one fic about ten years ago for one tree hill lol so it’s been a while! I’m a huge Choni fan and have been having random inspiration to write something for them lately! Parts of this story are very loosely based on personal experiences! The full story takes place over several years, so chapters are going to kind of jump around to different times but it all links together. They are around 21-22 in this fic and it’s completely AU! I hope somebody gets some kind of enjoyment out of this! Let me know! 
> 
> TW for weed and discussion of mental health issues

Maybe it was all just one big coincidence. Some might call it fate. Cheryl wasn’t quiet sure what she would call it. She just knew that it was supposed to happen. If you were to ask Cheryl a few years from now, she would tell you how thankful she was for all the shitty people she had encountered in her short lifetime, for they had led her to her soulmate.

If she really looked back on it, Cheryl realised that it all probably started in high school. But really, she could trace it back to any number of things, which lead to another and another, and then ultimately led her here. But to put it simply Cheryl would say it started with school. She was smart. Too smart for her own good. Which ultimately, alongside a combination of childhood trauma and genetic predisposition to mental illness lead to her hating school. Depression, boredom and a lack of any real connection resulted in a generally apathetic view of the world, which was often reconfirmed by the shitty experiences she had. She tried for as long as she could to keep going to school, she really did. And she got good grades. But eventually the lure to stay in bed began to win on more mornings than not. And once she started hanging out with a certain group of girls, they introduced her to weed and that was that. They would smoke before school and on the oval during lunch. So Cheryl had found some kind of connection with others but only through drugs.  
Eventually she made the decision to not go back to school and complete her senior year. Her parents were less than happy about her decision and were quick to cut her off. She spent a couple of months staying between her stoner friends houses. While they went to school she would clean their houses, do washing or cook dinner in exchange for them letting her stay. She finally managed to secure a job as a receptionist for a local car dealership. She made enough to be able to rent out a room with a girl she found on Craigslist. It didn’t work out and Cheryl lived in a few different places but fast forward a few years and she finally had a comfortable living situation with a girl she met at work.  
That was Kendall. Somebody who I guess you could say, played another big part in this story.  
She was fine; really. It was just that the more Cheryl got to know her. The less she liked her. And that was really difficult when you lived with the person. They got along well enough but were quiet opposite. While Cheryl still struggled with inner self-turmoil, she didn’t speak to her family, had few friends, she spent a lot of time in her room and liked the house to be kept very clean and quiet. She wasn’t very social and she much preferred to smoke a joint by herself than to get drunk with people. Kendall was....not like that. She was a party girl. Loud. Messy. A social butterfly who was almost so oblivious to life and it’s realities that Cheryl often envied her carelessness. Kendall had lots of friends in lots of different groups. She would often have people over running amock to all hours of the morning. Cheryl joined them sometimes. But others she just couldn’t be bothered socialising or pretending to want to have a conversation with these strangers so she just isolated herself in her room.  
Another thing that really annoyed Cheryl about Kendall was the boys. Cheryl had never had a boyfriend. She’d been on a couple of dates. Made out with plenty of boys (and a couple of girls, when free drinks were offered) but had always freaked out and pushed them away as soon as they had shown interest in taking things further. I guess you could say she kind of preferred one night stand type relationships. It was her own doing, so she really had no right to get angry at Kendall for so easily allowing men into her life. She really was generally a good friend to Cheryl and was always happy to let Cheryl third wheel but Cheryl was moody and often refused the kind gesture out of spite.  
Even given all of this, Cheryl felt she was at a relatively decent place in her life. She had stable employment, a stable house that she felt safe in, she was in a mentally positive place having found the right medication and a decent therapist recently, and she had an adequate amount of social interactions. She was making an effort to come out of her shell a little more and meet new people. She generally only broadened her horizons as far as the people Kendall invited over, but baby steps were fine.  
This particular night Cheryl was sitting outside on the back porch with Kendall, her boyfriend of the moment Tobias and 2 other girls whose names Cheryl couldn’t remember. They were all a few drinks deep while Cheryl had already smoked a decent amount and was feeling rather relaxed and comfortable. This was generally what her socialising consisted of, although every now and then she would drink with them if she was in the mood. It was a rainy winter night and Cheryl was feeling awful content as she took another puff and wrapped her fluffy blanket tighter around herself, finally tuning back into the conversation.

“So I’m probably just gonna wear the white tights and not worry about high heels coz we all known I will end up barefoot anyway!” Kendall said before laughing out loud. She took a puff of her cigarette and blew out a plume of smoke while looking Cheryl straight in the eyes.  
“You’re not bailing, are you Cheryl?” She asked.  
Cheryl had no freaking clue what she was talking about and can only presume that she had agreed to some sort of commitment with Kendall when she was too high to remember.  
“Erm, no. Nope, not bailing just...trying to remember what it is I agreed to doing!” Cheryl responded with a sheepish grin. Kendall rolled her eyes and ashes her cigarette before sighing.  
“Emma’s birthday. Tomorrow night. Her 21st! The Mad Hatters Tea Party! How have you forgotten about this!?”  
Cheryl gulped. “Oh. That. Yeah, no I remember I just thought it was next Saturday, that’s all.”  
“Right, so what costume are you planning to wear?” Kendall asked  
“I’m going as the queen of hearts,” Cheryl said the first thing that popped into her head. She was already regretting her stoned self agreeing to this. 

“Nice! Sounds super cute. Can’t wait to see what you come up with! Anyway, the party starts at 7 so Tobias is going to pick us up around 6.30!” She explained to Cheryl. 

“Alright, awesome sounds good. Anyways I’m gonna head to bed I’m so exhausted from this week. I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” Cheryl said and she stood up and wrapped her blanket tighter around her shoulders 

“Night Cheryl,” Tobias called 

“Sleep well queen of hearts,” Kendall called after her. Cheryl flipped her the bird and walked to her room, shutting the door behind her. She flopped down on her bed with a big sigh. Great, she had planned to do sweet, sweet nothing this weekend and now she had a stupid social obligation she’d committed too. Not to mention she also had to come up with some sort of acceptable costume. She got under the covers and turned Netflix on, searching for ‘Alice in Wonderland’ in hopes of gaining some sort of costume inspiration. She smoked by herself in her bedroom for a while, while waiting for her night medication to kick in. It helped a lot with the nightmares and so did the weed. She fell asleep before the movie was even half way through. 

-

Cheryl was woken up by a knock on the door the next day. She rolled over to face the door and groaned out an acknowledgment.  
“Dude. It’s like 2pm get up! Some people are gonna come over here for pre drinks in like an hour and then we’re all going to the party together, so....get up!!” Kendall basically yelled at Cheryl before slamming the door shut again. Cheryl rolled her eyes before stretching out in her bed. She had dreamed up some costume inspiration last night and quickly moved to her closet to pull some things out to start bringing her idea to life. 

-

She thought she was doing really well for time. Really, she did. And yeah okay, maybe she was taking a little longer with her hair and makeup to avoid having to socialise before going out to socialise (who invented pre drinks anyway?) but Kendall was getting mean.  
“I’m serious Cheryl hurry the fuck up before we leave you here!” She screamed whole simultaneously banging on the bathroom door.  
“Please do,” Cheryl mumbled under her breath  
“You have 2 minutes Cheryl, I’m serious!” She yelled before storming off and Cheryl heard the front door slam, before Kendall started muttering angrily to Tobias. 

Cheryl finished tousling her hair and checked herself one final time in the mirror before sighing to herself  
“It’s gonna have to do I suppose” she muttered to herself. She grabbed her clutch and shoved her phone in it, along with some weed and a lighter. Her essentials. If the party was really bad she could just sneak off and smoke somewhere until Kendall was drunk enough to want to leave.  
She grabbed the bottle of cheap champagne she treated herself to for the occasion (who doesn’t love a $5 wine buzz?) and went out the front door. 

“Finally!!” Kendall called out, beeping the horn from her spot in the passengers seat of Tobias’ car.  
“You look good! Which you should after how fucking long you took, now let’s go!!” She called out. Cheryl got in the back of the car next to two girls she had never met before taking selfies. One was dressed as Maleficent and the other was some kind of elf? Why was Cheryl so stressed about her costume? Geez. She had ended up in a black sequin dress that she had managed to stick a bunch of red heart playing cards too. She’d done dusty hearts on her cheeks using red glitter, and had on red fishnets with black wedges. She knew she looked good but part of her was still extremely self conscious. She decided that if the girl next to her could get away with being whatever the fuck she was supposed to be, then her own queen of hearts outfit was perfectly acceptable and she had no reason to feel anxious and that she was going to make sure she had a good night. It was at that same moment Cheryl decided to pop the bottle of champagne and gulp down half the bottle right there in the back of the car. Kendall cheered loudly  
“Yaaas girl drink up, tonight is going to be one to remember! Or forget, we shall see!” She called out. She turned the music up loud so Cheryl could feel the base vibrating through the back seat from Tobias’ excessively large speakers. Cheryl just held the bottle up to cheers Kendall while knocking back another two mouthfuls. 

They arrived at the party around 8pm thanks to Cheryls antics. It was already in full swing and the pumping base could be heard from down the street where they had had to park Tobias’ car. The group of them walked up the street together towards the house. Kendall was talking animatedly to the other random girls about how she knew Emma (the birthday girl) and the trouble they used to get into together. Cheryl was feeling pretty good thanks to her earlier decision to skull cheap champagne. She had a slight buzz going on but was hit with instant anxiety the moment they got to the front of the house. There were people everywhere. Like, a LOT of people. And Cheryl didn’t really like lots of people. It was overwhelming and made her feel suffocated. She’d been to a couple of Kendall’s friends parties before but they were never like this. She didn’t know if she could go in. But she was too anxious to say anything to Kendall. Fuck. She debated with herself internally before just deciding to suck it up and following Kendall into the party while keeping her eyes firmly glued to the floor.  
Her safety net didn’t last long however when Kendall quickly disappeared and pulled Tobias away with her. The people they had came with quickly dispersed and left Cheryl to fend for herself in a house full of intoxicated strangers of whom she knew absolutely no one.  
“Great,” she mumbled to herself, “and this is why I never fucking do things with Kendall,” She decided that she was going to try and have a good night anyway, regardless of being instantaneously ditched. She walked around the party, trying to stealthy suss out where any alcohol may be. She found a plastic cup and poured the remainder of her bottle of champagne in it and ditched the bottle.  
Walking around the party, drink in hand Cheryl tried her hardest to seem normal. Though she never felt it, she did think this particular night she was doing quite well at blending in. Although, she couldn’t help but take in all the costumes people had seemingly thrown together at the last minute. Again she wondered to herself why the fuck she had bothered so much. There were a group of girls all wearing tutus and bikini tops, somebody in a hotdog suit and a bunch of people wearing onesies. Jesus. She saw Kendall, dressed as Alice in the typical white and blue dress, standing next to whom she could only presume was Emma who was also dressed as Alice, but wearing a tiara. “Definitely the birthday girl,” thought Cheryl. Apart from those two it really didn’t seem like anybody had made that much effort. Cheryl rolled her eyes at her self induced anxiety just as she spotted a 4 pack of Vodka energy drinks sitting unattended by the fridge. She stealthy looked around to see if anybody was paying attention before smoothly swiping them from the counter and holding them by her side. She was done with the party and was ready to find a place to enjoy her own company while drowning her thoughts.

Cheryl walked away from the noise and the makeshift dance floor in the lounge room and made her way out the back. She did a little jump for joy when she remembered she had brought weed with her but just as quickly frowned when she realised she had nothing to smoke it through.  
“Dammit!” She cursed herself. There were a few people scattered outside smoking cigarettes and talking but mostly everyone was inside as it was a winters night. She looked around trying to see if anybody had any rolling papers but knew ultimately she was too anxious to ask a stranger for anything. Cheryl had almost decided to just give up on the whole night and call herself an Uber home when she noticed something. It was some of the onesie crew, 3 of them to be specific. They walked together down a path through the backyard to a small garden shed in the back corner. They all went inside. Cheryl was suspicious and simply put, nosey. She sat down on a garden wall and pulled out a can of the vodka she had acquired earlier while scoping out the onesie wearers. No more than 5 minutes later two of them emerged and walked back towards the party. Cheryl observed them from the distance but it was when they walked past her she realised what was happening. She would recognise that smell anywhere that they had just wafted with them.  
Cheryl should have known. There was always one at every party. She was never the only one. And now her problem was solved because she had just discovered what she didn’t know what she was looking for. The stoner den.  
Cheryl knew that one of onesie crew were still in there as three had entered and two had left but she didn’t know if anybody else was already in there. One person was fine. She could deal with that. But any more and she would probably make a fool out of herself and stumble over her words.  
Cheryl took a deep breathe “it’s either get in an Uber right now and have another boring night at home, or be a big girl and ask a fellow stoner for some papers and potentially have a nice, normal kind of night” she told herself. It was an internal battle but ultimately Cheryl decided she was going to be brave because she had told herself she was going to have a good night when she necked that champagne earlier. She skulled back the rest of the can of vodka for some liquid confidence and made her way down the path to the back shed. The closer she got, the more her theory was confirmed. This was definitely the place she wanted to be.  
Peeking slightly through the frosted window she could only see one shadow inside, so feeling extra brave Cheryl did a tiny knock on the door.  
She heard a giggle before a raspy voice called out “What the fuck guys, come in!” so Cheryl turned the handle and opened to door to reveal a smoke filled room, fitted out with fairy lights and an old, but comfortable looking couch which was currently home to the wearer of an oversized Eeyore onesie. The hood was pulled up so the persons face was hidden in the shadows of the dimly lit shed. 

“Oh, sorry. I thought you were somebody else,” the voice rasped out. Cheryl immediately realised she was in the presence of another female and her anxiety subsided significantly. She couldn’t tell you why. 

“Oh, that’s okay, sorry to bother you I was just looking for somewhere to smoke and I followed my nose. I hope I’m not interrupting...” Cheryl replied

“ Not at all,” Eeyore responded, the owner of the costume pulled the hood down and revealed themselves to Cheryl.  
“I’m always happy to accomodate a fellow stoner,” she said. 

Cheryl was surprised to say the least. This girl was not what she was expecting see under the onesie. And Cheryl especially didn’t think she looked like a stoner. But then again most people didn’t think Cheryl did either. 

She was pretty.

Like super pretty. 

The kind of person that Cheryl instantly envied. 

“I’m Toni Topaz, nice to meet you,” she gestured for Cheryl to sit next to her. 

“Nice to meet you too...”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our girls meet, but there’s still a long way to go!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos and comments! Still feeling inspired and finished chapter 2 today! It makes me so happy that people are enjoying this so far!  
> Thanks for reading x

“Nice to meet you too,” Cheryl responded as she stood in the doorway awkwardly. 

Eeyore (or Toni) raised her eyebrow while looking pointedly at Cheryl.

“And you are...?” She asked

“Oh, yeah! Sorry, I’m Cheryl,” she responded, kicking herself for already making a fool of herself.

Eeyore smiled, “Cool. Well, don’t mind me. I just came here to smoke and have some peace and quiet to be honest,” she explained

“Ahh, my exact reason for stumbling upon you in here,” Cheryl said. 

“Well come on in,” Toni waved Cheryl in and patted a spot next to her on the couch, “we can smoke together,” she smiled.  
Cheryl sat next to her on the couch and readjusted herself. God, now she remembered why she didn’t wear this dress, the sequins rubbed under her arms and she ended up with a rash at the end of the night. She grunted in annoyance and rolled her eyes at her own mistake. 

“Love the outfit by the way,” Toni said, scanning her up and down, “Queen of hearts. I like it.”

“Oh. Well thanks. I wasn’t really feeling it to be honest, I kinda got sucked into coming out tonight and had to throw this together at the last minute. But I’m kinda wishing I took the same route as you,” she laughed, “I can guarantee you’re much more comfortable that I am right now.”

Toni laughed, “ Well, that’s definitely accurate. I am snug as a bug!” She said while wrapping her arms around herself. 

Cheryl noticed she sounded...different when she said that. Like she had a slight accent and it made her extremely curious about this girl. She couldn’t quiet decipher it though. 

“So,” Toni continued “You up for a jungle chop?”

“A what now?” Cheryl responded. What on earth was she talking about?

“You know, a jungle chop. I’ll put a bit of my bud in, you put a bit of yours in and I chop it up and we hope for the best. Mix strains. Jungle chop?”

“Oh! Right, sounds good! I’ve just never heard that term before,” Cheryl explained. She opened her clutch and dug through it before pulling out a small baggy with her weed in it. 

“Yeah I think it’s kind of British slang,” Toni explained 

“You’re British?” Cheryl asked “ I thought you had a slight accent but I couldn’t quiet tell,” she held out a bud to Toni who put it in a small bowl and began chopping with a small pair of scissors. 

Toni laughed loudly, “Oh my god no!! But that is hilarious, I may have a slight addiction to British reality TV shows and I’ve been binging Love Island and Geordie Shore for months!” 

“Oh shit, well that is pretty funny, sorry!” Cheryl said

“No need to be sorry! I clearly need to get out more,” Toni said

“Ehh, going out is over rated,” Cheryl said

“For me it depends on the company. But usually I prefer to stay home and smoke up than to go out and spend a shit load of money just to feel like death the next day,” Toni explained as she chopped. She put the scissors down on a small table and then reached behind her to grab a glass bong off the ground. 

“This is Sally,” she explained, holding the bong up proudly. It was blown glass, featuring purple, yellow and orange colours and a glass bowl. 

“Woah. She’s beautiful. Like a sunset,” Cheryl replied. She had developed an appreciation for unique pieces in her years as a stoner and had quiet the collection stashed in her closet. 

“Isn’t she?” Toni smiled dreamily. She packed the bowl with some of their ‘jungle chop’ and held it out to Cheryl, “Ladies first,” she smiled. 

“Aw why thank you kind Eeyore, very chivalrous of you,” Cheryl took the piece from her. Taking a deep breath in and blowing it out again, she flicked the lighter to life and inhaled slowly as she lit the bowl. Her lungs filled with smoke as she continued to breathe in, making sure everything pulled through the bowl before pulling Sally away from her mouth and exhaling slowly. 

It hit her instantly. She felt that familiar warm rush flow up though her body and settle in her head. 

“Ahh,” she smiled dreamily as she held the bong back out to Toni, “now that is a lovely jungle mix,” she commmented. 

“Jungle chop,” Toni corrected. 

“Chop. Right. I gotta remember that,” Cheryl said more to herself than Toni. She slumped down on the couch and allowed herself to relax a little more, finally feeling slightly comfortable at this party. 

Toni packed a bowl for herself and held it up towards Cheryl, “Cheers,” She laughed before bringing it to her mouth and mirroring Cheryl’s actions from only minutes ago. 

She blew the smoke out and made little O shapes as she did so. Cheryl observed her in wonder. 

“Dude. That was so cool!” She exclaimed. 

Toni nodded in response as she exhaled the last of her smoke. 

“Why thank you, and yes, a lovely jungle chop indeed,” she agreed. Cheryl thought the girl was stoned before she came into this little shed-room, but watching her now it was clear that must of been her first for the night. Her eyes instantly glazed over and she seemed to be fascinated by the hanging fairy lights. 

“Pretty,” Toni mused, running her hands along the string of lights. 

“Are you okay?” Cheryl giggled

“Oh I’m great!” Toni responded “just uh, didn’t smoke today coz I was helping set up this whole party and we were swamped and ran outta time and just...yeah. That one went straight to my head,” She rambled

Cheryl just laughed in response, “Well atleast you achieved the desired effect at a quick rate, right?”

“Indeed I did.”

There was a comfortable silence for a few moments. Cheryl observed her current environment and noticed it was cosier than she initially noticed. There were sheer curtains, the oh-so-comfortable couch, beans bag, fluffy blankets, fairy lights and even a mini bar fridge. That reminded Cheryl that she still had alcohol to drink. 

“Oh hey, you want one of these?” She held a can up, “as a thank you. For letting a stranger use your bong,”

Toni laughed. “I’d love one. Thanks.” She took the can from Cheryl and cracked it open. “And you’re not a stranger, we’re totally friends now,” she smiled and held the can out, which Cheryl promptly clicked against her own.

“Well then, to new friends!” Cheryl said and they both took a drink. 

“So, you said before you got dragged here against your will basically. Who did you come with?” Toni enquired. She placed her drink down and began to pack another bowl.

Cheryl sighed and rolled her eyes, “Ugh. My housemate. Kendall.”

Toni’s eyes grew big, “Ohhh!! No shit, you’re that Cheryl!” She exclaimed.

“What’s that suppose to mean? What Cheryl?” 

“Don’t worry! Not in a bad way,” Toni laughed, “I’ve just heard of you before but never met you. The birthday girl and I have been to your house a couple of times before when Kendall has had parties, but I’ve never seen you there. Only heard your name when Kendall talks about who she lives with,” 

Cheryl snorted, “Oh I’ve been there, I just isolate myself in my bedroom and avoid socialisation,” she explained in all seriousness. 

Toni looked at her with curiosity in her eyes. Cheryl, for some reason, felt comfortable enough to say what she was really thinking and decided to give her a little more. 

“I have pretty bad anxiety. So I keep to myself usually.”

“I get that. I’ve struggled in the past with similar stuff. So, I understand to some extent. Thank God for Mary-Jane hey?” Toni responded as she held the bong out to Cheryl again. 

“Thanks,” Cheryl said as she took it, “for this, and for actually being cool about that and not brushing it off. I don’t bring it up to most people even if they ask,” she continued. 

“I think unless they’ve personally been affected by it, a lot of people don’t really understand how crippling it can be,” Toni countered. 

“Very true,” Cheryl agreed before having her second bong of the evening. Again, it went straight to her head. She revelled in the warm, fuzzy feeling that enveloped her body as she breathed out a big sigh. 

“How you feeling?” Toni asked

“Pretty fucking good actually,” Cheryl laughed, “I have the worst cotton mouth though,” she smacked her lips together before taking a drink of her canned vodka. 

“Glad to hear it,” Toni took the bong back and packed one for herself. “So where’s Kendall then?” She asked before pulling her bong. 

Cheryl rolled her eyes again. “Who knows. Seriously she ditched me within 2 minutes of us getting here. I couldn’t handle being alone especially around this many strangers so yeah, hence why I ended up out here with you!” She explained. 

“I’m not one to bitch, but that’s a pretty shitty thing to do, especially since she dragged you here,” Toni said.

“Agreed. But I’ve come to expect the worst from majority of humans to be honest. So I’m neither surprised nor annoyed really,” Cheryl explained

“Well hey, on the positive side of things we got to meet and have this random ass smoke sesh and both made a new friend!” Toni smiled brightly. 

Cheryl nodded in response, “Very true,” she agreed. Although in her head Cheryl already knew they wouldn’t really be friends. She’d met many a people this way and never spoken to them again after the initial meeting. Usually she didn’t care, she found most friendships to be exhausting and draining. But if she was being honest with herself it made her feel a little sad that she probably would never get to hang out with Toni again. She hadn’t clicked this easily with somebody in a very long time. She generally felt even more anxious than usual around new people. But not tonight. It was a nice relief. 

A loud bang on the outside walls of the shed jolted Cheryl out of her thoughts. She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion before remembering where she was and that there were atleast 100 people lurking around this house.  
The door slammed open loudly “What’s up bitches!!” Kendall shouted as she walked into the shed. She was followed by the birthday girl Emma and 2 guys (the rest of the onesie crew) Cheryl had never met before. 

“Hey Kendall,” Toni said as she got up off the couch to give Kendall a hug.

“This is a random union! How do you guys know each other?” Emma asked, gesturing between Cheryl and Toni.

“We literally just met tonight,” Cheryl answered her. 

“Toni’s been to our house before Cheryl how have you guys not met?” Kendall questioned. She was clearly drunk already and was stumbling around the small space uneasily. 

“I dunno,” Cheryl said, “just never crossed paths I suppose.”

“Well, anyway!” Kendall completely ignored Cheryl’s answer, “Tobias and I are done! He’s a dick and we just kicked him out!” She announced, looking at Emma, laughing.

“Hell yeah we did.” Emma agreed and gave Kendall a sloppy high-five. 

“Why what did he do?” Asked the guy dressed as Winnie the Pooh

“He’s just a dick, Fangs! No explanation necessary!” Kendall spat back in response. Cheryl could tell she was getting mad.

“Yeah, duh Fangs!” Toni butted in, a cheeky smile on her face. Winnie the Pooh (or ‘Fangs’) rolled his eyes and smirked in response. 

“My mistake ladies. I forgot that every guy except Sweet Pea and I are total dicks,” Fangs quipped back at Toni.

Toni laughed, “Hmm, whatever helps you sleep at night.”

Cheryl observed the interactions surrounding her with fascination. She had always been a listener. An observer. When she tried to speak she usually got cut off or ignored so eventually she had just given up and decided to listen. She realised she liked it better this way anyway. She learned a lot about people and was good at reading body language and other non-verbal communication.  
She could tell from her current observations that Toni was good friends with this ‘Fangs’ guy and that neither of them were huge fans of Kendall. Although Toni seemed to only know Kendall through Emma. So they were more a friend of a friend, rather than direct friends.  
Cheryl’s stoned thoughts got away from her and before she knew it everyone was standing up. 

“Come on Cheryl, you can’t hide in here all night,” Kendall called out as she walked out the door.

“You can if you want,” Toni whispered to her, “but you should come hang out here for a bit if you feel like it?” She smiled and offered her hand to pull Cheryl up from the couch. 

Cheryl accepted and stood up. She instantly retracted her hand and wiped it on her dress, hoping Toni didn’t get grossed out by her sweaty, ‘anxiety hands’ as she called them. 

Cheryl trailed behind the group slowly. She followed them inside where everyone had gathered to watch Emma do her obligatory 21 shots for her 21st birthday. (Cheryl wandered when that became a thing?)  
She tried her hardest to enjoy herself. She really did. But as she watched Emma up on the kitchen bench being fed shot after shot by Kendall her mind began to wander to that dark, familiar place. She watched couples hugging. People cheering Emma on. She noticed Toni laughing her head off with her onesie friends. And there Cheryl was. Alone. As always. Alone in a room full of people. 

The urge to leave was getting harder to resist, but when she saw Emma throw up all over herself after her 9th shot, that was all the confirmation she needed that she did not want to be here. 

Walking back out to the back yard Cheryl pulled her phone out and ordered herself an Uber. She slid into the garden shed and smoked one last bowl of the ‘jungle mix’ Toni had prepared for them. She made sure to leave one in there for Toni. She quickly pulled out a old receipt and an eyeliner pencil from her clutch and scrawled ‘thanks for the jungle chop :)’ on the back of the receipt. She left it tucked underneath the bowl so that she could be sure Toni would see it. 

Her phone beeped, notifying her that her Uber was almost there. She left the shed and made her way back through the house. She bypassed the kitchen where Emma was now being forced to drink water. 

She didn’t wish her a happy birthday. 

She didn’t bother to find Kendall.

She couldn’t see her Eeyore friend anywhere around so she didn’t say goodbye to her either. 

She just walked out the front door. Got in her Uber and went home. 

She was sure nobody would notice. And if they did, she was sure they wouldn’t care. 

A night that had been so enjoyable just an hour ago, had ended up like every other night. Cheryl was alone and ruminating in her own self-pity. 

It was just another pointless night. 

Little did Cheryl know, it was the start of something that she never could have predicted.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn a little more about Cheryl’s past and Toni pushes Cheryl out of her comfort zone and Cheryl is grateful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. Welcome back. Enjoy and let me know what you think. Trigger warning on this one for slight mention of physical abuse and also a decent amount of talk regarding self-harm and scars.  
> Stay safe.

It was another 4 weeks or so until Cheryl thought about that night again. Life had been continuing on as normal, working, sleeping, smoking. It was currently a Saturday afternoon and Cheryl was scrolling through Facebook on her phone while laying outside and soaking up the small amount of sun they had been graced with that day. She found herself on Kendall’s profile, trying to scope out her latest boyfriend when she came across photos from that night at the Mad Hatters Tea Party. Most were selfies of Kendall and her broad array of friends, and some were just of the general party, people on the dance floor or posing in group photos. She came across one photo of a group of friends all dressed in onesies and her eyes instantly went to the petite girl in the baggy Eeyore attire. Her smoking buddy from that night. It had been a long time since Cheryl had clicked with somebody so easily and not felt anxious around them. Cheryl remembered that her name was Toni and she knew Kendall through their mutual friend, Emma. She checked the photo tags and clicked on Toni’s face in the photo, leading her to the girls profile page. It was private but there was still a small amount of stalking that Cheryl could partake in. She clicked through a few of the public photos, they were mostly of Toni with the same two guys, the ones from that same night. There were a few selfies and a group photo showing Toni drinking out of a champagne bottle while a group of people cheered her on. Cheryl navigated back to the main page and hovered her mouse over the ‘add friend’ button. She wasn’t sure if the girl would even remember her, and if she did she would probably think Cheryl was weird for adding her because they barely knew each other. On the other hand she had seemed really friendly and laid back. But Cheryl was overly paranoid about what others thought of her and after debating with her self several minutes longer, she decided against it and closed out of Toni’s Facebook page. Cheryl threw her phone down on the coffee table in front of her with a huff.  
Kendall, who had been sitting close by on the couch look up,  
“Everything okay?” She asked

“Yeah, everything’s just great,” Cheryl replied in a monotone

-  
4 weeks later

Cheryl pushed her feet further into the dirt and she ran with every ounce of energy she could muster. It was so cold that her toes were going numb and the slight drizzle of rain caused her hair to stick to her face. But she couldn’t stop. She had to keep going. She could hear the heavy footsteps behind her getting closer and closer. She kept pushing on but tripped, smacking her face hard onto the damp forrest ground. Cheryl jumped up as quickly as she could, spitting dirt out of her mouth as she began to run again but this time she was frozen in place. Her legs were so heavy that no matter how much strength she tried to muster, how hard she tried to life them and move them forward, she simply couldn’t. He was closer now. She could feel his presence behind her. She hadn’t seen his face but she didn’t need to. She knew who it was. It was always him. She felt herself fall backwards as he took a fistful of her hair and yanked her hard. Cheryl cried out in pain as he dragged her by her hair along the rough ground. She tried to scratch at his hand that had ahold of her hair but to no avail. Twigs and stones scraped against her back and her legs as she tried to pull away. It didn’t take long before she heard the familiar babbling of a stream. He ripped her hair hard to pull her into a standing position. Without saying a word he turned her around to face the stream. Cheryl sobbed, knowing what was coming. She willingly got down onto her knees, rather than having him shove her roughly and cause even more cuts and bruises. She gulped in a big breath and held it as he again gripped the back of her head and shoved her face down into the stream, holding her head under the water. He didn’t let up, Cheryl could feel the pressure against the back of her head and didn’t bother fighting it. She knew she wouldn’t over power him. She never did. This felt longer than the other times and she started to see flashes of white before her eyes. Her lungs felt like they were going to explode any moment if she didn’t take a breath but she knew the second she opened her mouth her lungs would flood with water and the fight would be over for good. Instincts took over and before she knew what she was doing she opened her mouth and gulped under the water. There was an almighty bang that resonated all around her before she opened her eyes and found her self in her bed, soaked in sweat, hair matted to her face.  
Cheryl sighed in relief. It was just a dream. A horribly realistic dream based on childhood trauma and embedded fear, but a dream nonetheless. Still feeling the pit of fear and anxiety within her Cheryl attempted to ground herself. 

‘5 things you can see,’ she thought to herself. 

Bed. Salt lamp. TV. Closet. Robe

‘5 things you can hear,’ she continued. 

TV. Car passing. Tapping on the window. Her name being called...

‘Wait...what!?’ Cheryl thought. She froze and listened carefully. There was that insencent tapping again and it was growing louder.

“Cheryl!” A voice called, louder this time. 

Cheryl rolled her eyes, letting out a breath as she recognised Kendall’s voice. She got up and pulled open her curtains, seeing Kendall and none other than Toni standing outside her bedroom window. She opened it up, raising her eyebrow in questioning.

“Can I help you?” She asked them both.

“Can you open the front door? I forgot my keys!” Kendall explained

“You couldn’t have just rang me instead of scaring the shit outta me?” Cheryl asked

“I did call you! Look at your phone and then hurry up and open the door it’s fucking freezing out here!” Kendall complained making her way to the front of the house. 

Cheryl grabbed her phone from her bedside table and noticed that indeed Kendall had called her. 17 times infact. Geez she must of been really out of it. 

Cheryl made her way to the front entrance and unlocked the door to let the girls in. 

“Thanks Cheryl! You remember Toni right?” Kendall said as she walked inside, shedding items of clothing on the way to her room. 

Toni smiled sheepishly at Cheryl, “Hey,” she said, “sorry for waking you up.”

“It’s fine. You saved me from a bad dream anyway,” Cheryl responded as she ushered Toni into the house and triple checked that she had locked the door behind them. 

“Oh no what happened?” Toni asked, Cheryl could smell the alcohol on her breath. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Cheryl brushed it off and began walking to her room. Toni followed her before turning left into Kendall’s room as Cheryl turned right into her room. 

“Well I hope you sleep better now!” Toni said. There was a loud grunting sound and both girls giggled as they noticed Kendall already passed out with no pants on in the middle of her bed. Cheryl quickly walked to their small kitchen and retrieved two bottles of water from the fridge and handed them to Toni,  
“Here, I’m sure you guys will need these,” she said. Toni grabbed them from her and thanked her. 

“Anytime. Help yourself if you need anything. Kendall isn’t exactly the most polite host,”

Toni looked over at the mentioned girl and laughed, “Yeah I noticed,” she said just as another loud snore escaped Kendall’s mouth.  
“Have fun with that,” Cheryl said as she walked into her room, “I’ll be sure to put some earplugs in,” she half-joked. 

“Gee thanks!” Toni said rolling her eyes. 

“Anytime. Night,” Cheryl responded

“Goodnight Cheryl, see you tomorrow,”

Cheryl smiled as she flopped onto her bed and snuggled under her blankets. She hoped she would drift into a peaceful sleep this time. She tried to distract herself from thinking about her nightmare as she drifted off to sleep. Without realising it her mind drifted to the girl she had just been speaking with who was in the next room over. She smiled at the thought, not really sure why. But she liked Toni. She seemed genuine and it had been a long time since Cheryl had met a genuine person. She drifted off into a dreamless slumber, a smile playing on her lips as she thought about Toni. 

-

Cheryl was awoken by a knock on her bedroom door and the accompanying smell of coffee filled her nostrils. 

“Mmm,” she groaned sleepily as she hid her head under the covers

“Whaaaat?” She groaned out. She hated waking up early and she hated being woken up on a Saturday morning even more. 

“Are you alive?” A voice rasped out 

Cheryl quickly peeked her head out of the blankets upon reaslizing that it was in fact, not Kendall who had woken her from her beauty sleep.

Instead Toni Topaz stood leaning against her door frame with a smirk on her face and a mug of coffee in her hand. 

“Oh! Hi,” Cheryl said, suddenly hyper aware of her morning breath and bed hair, “I forgot you were here.”

“Naw how could you forget me? I’m unforgettable!” Toni giggled, “offence taken!” She held her hand to her heart in mock pain. 

“No offence meant. I got high before I fell back asleep and forgot about your 2am escapades at my bedroom window,” Cheryl explained

“And you didn’t invite me, rude!” Toni replied

Cheryl rolled her eyes “Did you need something or did Kendall just send you in here to annoy me on her behalf?” She snuggled further into the blanket cocoon. 

“Cheryl!” They both heard Kendall call from the living room, “We’re going to the beach. Remember! Get your ass up!” 

“No, I don’t remember! And it’s practically winter, fuck the beach!” She called back.

“It’s forecast to be an unseasonably warm day and we are making the most of up! We’re leaving in less than an hour so chop chop, the days wasting!” Kendall called back. 

“Uhhh! Why me?” Cheryl groaned loudly. 

“Come on, it’ll be fun!” Toni encouraged her. “Here,” she held out the coffee mug to Cheryl, “get this into you and I’m sure you’ll be good to go!” 

Cheryl was shocked. 

“You...made me a coffee?” 

“Well I was making one for me and Kendall and thought I’d be super extra nice today. She told me how you have your coffee so yes. I made you a coffee. Enjoy,” she winked and left the room, shutting the door behind her. 

Cheryl was beyond shocked. That was so...nice? She wasn’t used to that. Even Kendall didn’t make her coffee in the morning, regardless of whether she was out of bed or not. Is this what it was like to have a real friend? Sure, she was confused as hell also, considering they’d only met twice and Cheryl was sure she didn’t make a good impression either of those occasions. Again, that sense of genuine air that surrounded Toni was prevalent But then again she was friends with Kendall which Cheryl most definitely did not understand. But each to their own. Like Cheryl had said before Kendall wasn’t a bad person. Or a bad friend. She was just self-absorbed and careless, two things that Cheryl couldn’t really hold against her. Doesn’t mean she still didn’t irritate the hell out of her.  
Cheryl took a sip of her coffee and sighed in delight. Maybe she could deal with going to the beach today after all. 

She decided to get ready as she enjoyed her coffee. Slipping off her pyjamas she grabbed her bikini out of her drawers and put them on before opening her closet and grabbing a small backpack out and packing her towel, sunscreen, chapstick and Bluetooth speaker. She fished out a baggy t-shit that she slipped on and knotted into a crop before reaching for her favourite pair of high waisted denim shorts. As she pulled her shorts up over her thighs she sighed to herself. Sometimes she actually forgot how much she had destroyed her body until moments like this. The shorts hid a large majority of the pale white scars that marred the top of her thighs. She had spent more time than she cared to admit trying to physically destroy herself. It started when she was 13 years old and continued on and off throughout her high school years. It was something she still struggled with to this day in her early twenties. But she fought urges hard and instead followed advice of her therapist in regards to distraction techniques. They normally worked but some days, very rarely, she was lured back in by the crimson Gods and gave in, just to feel that old, familiar sense of relief once more. Her scars were something that she was incredibly accepting of. Really, she didn’t have a choice. They were there because of her own actions and nothing she could do would take them away. Time would help them fade as well as various oils and ointments but they would always be part of her. She usually had no hesitation in wearing shorts or bikinis, but that was because the only person who ever saw her wearing those was Kendall or strangers in public. Kendall was surprising understanding about the whole thing when she first noticed the three small scars that lined Cheryl’s upper arm. Usually covered by her work uniform she had, without thinking, worn a singlet one day which allowed Kendall so view witness to the marks for the first time. They had a long discussion about it, which led to Cheryl disclosing a few small traumas that lead her down that road. Kendall’s older sister also struggled with the same issue and so she was incredibly understanding and accepting of Cheryl. Scars and all. So it had never been an issue. And she had never really been ashamed. She would openly discuss the cause of the scars whenever a random noticed and asked. She didn’t care because those people meant nothing to her. She had long since abandoned the mind frame that she should be ashamed of what she had survived.  
But now, for some reason she felt herself become filled with anxiety over the thought of her new friend, Toni seeing her exposed this way. Maybe she should just wear pants and not swim? No, that would be stupid and it was, like Kendall said, already surprisingly warm today. She could cover them with foundation, but that would probably just rub off in the heat and especially in the water. 

“Fuck!” She said out loud, looking at herself in the mirror. The scars just seemed to jump out at her. But she knew it was only because she was looking at them, looking for them. 

She turned away from herself and grabbed her backpack and headed out her bedroom door. Fuck it, she thought, I’m just gonna get high before we leave so I don’t have to think about it. 

She freshened up in the bathroom, washing her face and brushing her teeth before making her way into the living room. 

“I’m just gonna smoke up real quick and then I’m good to go,” she informed Kendall and Toni.  
Toni jumped up of the couch at that announcement “and I am going to join you with that and then we can get outta here!” She announced with a smile.

“Whatever stoners,” Kendall said, not looking away from the TV.

“Bitch please, we all know you’re bringing a bottle of vodka to the beach,” Cheryl retorted quickly. Toni held in a laugh while Kendall just shrugged her shoulders “Damn straight I am!” She replied. 

Cheryl rolled her eyes before walking away and going out the back door. Toni followed her out and they both sat at the back table as Cheryl prepared their mix. 

“So I think Emma and her boyfriend are just gonna meet us there later,” Toni started. Cheryl’s head snapped up,

“What!?” She demanded.

“What?” Toni asked in confusion.

“I didn’t know we were meeting up with anyone!” Cheryl exclaimed

“Yeah just Emma and Zach, and maybe a couple of they’re friends,” Toni replied.  
Cheryl dramatically flopped her entire body back into the chair and groaned loudly, “Nooo!” She almost cried.

“Okay drama queen what’s wrong with Emma and Zach?” Toni asked her

“Nothing,” Cheryl sighed, “I just...don’t really like people, that’s all,” she explained in all seriousness. 

Toni laughed out loud in response. “Such a social butterfly aren’t you?” She teased. 

“Fuck off. I like my own company. That’s all. Plus I am just an anxious mess in general and don’t feel comfortable around a lot of people!” Cheryl explained truthfully. She smoked her bong and passed it over to Toni. 

“Thanks,” Toni said. “ and I’m sorry, I don’t mean to make fun of you. Anxiety is fucking horrible. But I promise you will be okay. You probably thought the same thing about me hey? And here we are,” she smiled before lighting up and pulling through her bong. She blew the smoke out and watched it dissipate in the wind. 

“Ehhh, your different,” Cheryl responded. Oops. That kinda just came out and it probably sounded weird, she thought to herself. 

“Ohh yay, I’m special!” Toni grinned like a child

“I just feel at ease around you to be honest. It’s been a long time since I’ve met a friend who I click with straight away,” Cheryl reasoned. Toni smiled big at that revelation. 

“That makes me happy to hear. I’m glad that I not only, don’t add to your anxiety but also kind of soothe it,” she said. 

“Let’s not get ahead of ourself now Toni,” Cheryl teased in response. Both now sufficiently stoned they made their way back inside to Kendall and hopped in the car to head to the beach. 

-

She had to admit, it had been a pretty fun day so far. They had met up with Emma and Zach, as expected and 3 other guys that Cheryl had never met. Kendall had consumed a sufficient amount of vodka which meant Cheryl would be driving them home. Everyone had been in and out of the water for most of the day, playing ball games and having shoulder wrestling matches. Cheryl enjoyed herself as she lay out, lathered in sunscreen in her bikini top and denim shorts. She rolled them down to expose her stomach to the sun but was still too self conscious to take them off completely. The day was really starting to warm up and honestly Cheryl wanted nothing more than to go for a swim in the inviting, crystal clear aqua depths. But alas her mind would not ease up today. Was it just her or was every single person that walked past staring at her?

“Yo, Ariel!” One of the guys she didn’t know called out, “come on the waters perfect!”

Cheryl rolled her eyes, “I’m good, thanks!” She called back. She lay back down on her back and closed her eyes. She could feel sweat beginning to form at the back of her neck and on her brow. She wiped at her brow before it dripped. 

“Are you sure you’re good?” She was startled to find Toni standing over her. 

“Jesus!” Cheryl’s eyes snapped open, “way to scare the crap outta me!” She half shouted. Toni laughed at that. 

“Come on dude, I can literally see the sweat on your head, come for a swim. They’re all chill people, I promise,” Toni tried to reason with her. 

“Uhh. I just. Don’t want to. “ Cheryl replied shortly

“Do you have your period or something?” Toni enquired authentically. 

Cheryl snorted at that. “No, it’s not that,”

“Then what? Can you not swim? Are you scared of star fish!?” Toni asked, her eyes getting big at her melodramatic question. 

Cheryl rolled her eyes. “I’m just self conscious is all,” she explained with a wave of her hand, “there’s parts of me that I don’t like to share with people,” she continued. 

“Like your coochie?” Toni asked with a smirk

“What! No! I mean...what the fuck!?!” Cheryl exclaimed, legitimately surprised by the other girls comment. 

“Relax, I’m kidding!” Toni retorted, “look whatever it is, as harsh as this sounds, I’m sure nobody actually cares Cheryl. And really, who here has an opinion that actually matters to you?” She asked genuinely. 

Cheryl struggled to find words to respond. “See. And if anybody does care, then they can get fucked! Who are they to judge another human being! They’re nothing to you so their opinion is irrelevant,” Toni explained.  
Cheryl was still hesitant but honestly could not be bothered arguing with Toni about this anymore. Her words made sense, and Cheryl could sense the genuine care in her voice. Unfortunately it did nothing to ease the real reason of her anxiety. But the heat was getting to her and she really did just want to cool off atleast a little. She would be stupid to not make the most of this glorious day. 

“Fine. Go away and I’ll be in in a minute,” Cheryl finally relented and shooed Toni away. She watched Toni skip back to the shore and jumped over a few small waves before diving in and swimming back over the the group. Cheryl sighed and without thinking simply slid her shorts down her legs and let them fall on her towel. Here goes nothing, she thought to herself. 

She walked slowly to the shoreline, her hands placed on the tops of her legs in an attempt to somewhat shield herself. She reached the shore and relished in the cool relief as the waves crashed over her feet. She eased further out until she was waist deep and sighed in contentment. Before she knew it there were whoops and cheers erupting from the group. 

“Finally!” She heard Kendall call out! 

“She’s in!” One of the guys called out.  
Cheryl shook her head and flipped them the bird but couldn’t hide her smile. She was proud of herself. This was something she never did. The last time she swam at the beach was by herself and atleast 4 years ago. She always was a water baby but how times had changed as her anxiety disorder grew stronger. 

Cheryl allowed herself to float on the surface of the water. She relished in the feeling of weightlessness and the ease at which she could simply just, be. She couldn’t shake the fact from her head that this was all because of Toni. Nobody had every really pushed her outside of her comfort zone before, or showed such a genuine amount of support as Toni had. And it was strange, Cheryl thought, how somebody she only met a few months ago could help her so much, especially after only hanging out 3 times. It was the kind of companionship that Cheryl missed from her pre-anxiety ages. But also the kind of companionship that she was too anxious to seek out nowadays. She had pretty much settled on being content with her own company, but the more she hung around with Toni, the more she realised how much she missed feeling a genuine connection with somebody that was based on more than the same drug of choice. 

As she floated there in the crystal blue ocean, feeling more relaxed and free than she had in a very long time, Cheryl made a vow to herself to actively make more of an effort to become social again. Even if it was just small things like this. She could still always slink off by herself if she needed to reenergise, but ultimately being around other people was proving to be very beneficial to her mental state. Well, actually, if she was being honest, it seemed like just being around Toni seemed to be beneficial to her mental state.

What on earth was happening?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cheryl deals with her mental health. Kendall throws a party. Our gals bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up breaking this chapter up into two because it was getting so long. I’m really enjoying writing this story, but I have another month left of studying so chapters may be a bit sporadic until then. A lot of the events are based on events I’ve experienced first hand and it’s been almost therapeutic to write it out in a form of fiction. As always, TW for mental health talk, self harm, abuse, drugs.

To say that Cheryl had been struggling the past few months would be an understatement. A huge understatement in fact. She had tried her hardest to stick to the goal she set herself at the beach almost 3 months ago, her promise to socialise more and make an attempt to better her life through minimising her self-isolation and connect more with others. But it was so much easier said than done. She had been plagued by the same nightmare, night after night reliving her fathers abuse from her childhood that she long thought she had overcome. She found herself struggling more and more to get out of bed every morning and make it to work on time. She knew she needed her job to continue to live her life, but she had come to a point where she thought that it was easier to simply give up. She had accepted a while ago that she would probably be plagued with these thoughts and feelings for the rest of her life, and that was something she really didn’t care to experience. Each day was getting harder and she had started calling in sick to work. She was thankful to have an honest relationship with her boss and was able to tell them the truth behind her days off. They were more than understanding and suggested she take two weeks off to rest and recover. She gratefully accepted, although she knew it probably was going to make her feel worse, having nothing to do all day everyday for fourteen days straight.   
That was over six weeks ago. And she was right. Those two weeks of stress leave turned into six weeks of ‘I don’t think I can do this life thing anymore.’   
She tried to stay strong. She tried to fight the voice in her head telling her to give up and she tried to pretend like the nightmares weren’t having an effect on her. Her facade all came crumbling down one particularly troubling morning around 2am. She had been plagued by the same dream over and over again to the point that she had screamed and wailed so loudly that she had woken Kendall up unknowingly. Kendall opened Cheryl’s bedroom door to see what all the noise was about only to find the redhead crying hysterically and clawing at her own skin. Her forearms were covered in scratches and blood spattered over the baby blue bed sheets. She had quickly rushed to Cheryl’s side and pulled her hands away from her arms, holding them tightly. Cheryl fought her off weakly but quickly gave in and crumbled as the other girl wrapped her in her arms and kissed her on the head.   
“I know sweetie. I know it’s gotten worse hasn’t it?” She asked sincerely. Cheryl nodded against her before weakly responding,

“I can’t do it anymore Kendall. I can’t pretend. I don’t want to try. Please don’t make me do this anymore,” she begged through her sobs.

Kendall was ridiculously supportive. It actually surprised Cheryl considering she always thought their relationship to be rather superficial. She cleaned Cheryl’s wounds and helped her get back into bed and let her cling to her as she sobbed herself to sleep, stroking her hair and whispering words of comfort to her.

“You can’t keep going like this Cheryl,” she had told her, “I’m scared I’m going to come home one day and find you in a state that you can’t come back from.”

That had scared Cheryl. Because she was thinking the same thing. She didn’t trust herself at the moment. She felt an insessant need to hurt herself. To somehow express her psychological pain through a physical act. 

When Cheryl woke up the next morning her head was pounding and her eyes were puffy. Kendall informed her that she had contacted Cheryl’s doctor and explained what was going on, and the doctor had organised Cheryl to be admitted into a private treatment facility for a few weeks until she was feeling more stable. She was terrified but agreed nonetheless because she knew it was better to voluntarily admit herself than to be held against her will with no say in her treatment. 

It had been the right decision. The first two days she was terrified. She didn’t leave her room and she didn’t eat. She simply had no appetite and no desire to fuel her body. She had already seen a psychiatrist who took her off the medication she was taking and assessed her. He said she would be in here for atleast two weeks until they had her on some new medication and she was more mentally and emotionally stable. She slowly began to somewhat function and force herself to eat atleast one meal a day with the support of a lovely nurse who was only a few years older than herself. 

It ended up being 45 days that she stayed there and by the end of her treatment she was more scared to go home, back into the real world than she was of going into the facility in the first place. She had been put on a low dose of antidepressants which had began to lift her mood after 2 weeks, as well as being put on a medication to take 1 hour before bed that was a sedative to help her sleep, as well as helping with the nightmares. She hadn’t had a single nightmare since the medication had been in her system and to say she was relieved would be an understatement. With solid weekly appointments in place with a psychologist, monthly check ups with a psychiatrist and a rather successful new medication regime Cheryl was discharged and finally allowed home. 

Kendall had taken the day off work to pick her up at 10am on Friday morning. Cheryl was waiting out the front of the building with her suitcase and fluffy blanket in tow. Kendall’s bright blue SUV pulled up into the pick up bay and she quickly jumped out the drivers side and ran up to Cheryl. 

“Why hello my beautiful friend!” She cried pulling her into a tight hug. Cheryl squeezed her back just as enthusiastically. Kendall had, much to Cheryl’s surprise been an incredible support system to her these past months. From organising the admission on her behalf to visiting her atleast every second day. She brought in Cheryl’s favourite blanket and pillow, took her dirty laundry home each week and brought her in fresh clothes and sent her flowers to brighten up her room on more than one occasion. Cheryl was genuinely surprised at the good-hearted nature she had displayed and more thankful than she could ever express to have somebody stick by her side through the tough time. 

“Thank you so much for picking me up,” Cheryl told her as she placed her belongings in the back of the car and climbed into the passenger seat. 

“Well ofcourse. I was hardly going to let you Uber home!” Kendall responded, “how are you feeling?”

“Surprisingly stable actually,” Cheryl replied, “the new meds are working wonders and I’m finally able to sleep properly. My head feels clearer and my thoughts aren’t nearly as overwhelming,” she explained.

“That’s so good to hear Cher,” Kendall smiled as she pulled out of the parking lot.

“I really can’t thank you enough for everything you helped me with Kenny, I feel like I owe you so fucking much,” Cheryl almost teared up as she thanked her housemate for probably the 1000th time. 

“Ofcourse Cher. I know I may seem oblivious a lot of the time, but you know I’m always here for you no matter what. Nobody deserves to feel the way you were feeling”

Cheryl nodded in agreement. “I can’t believe I made it through that too be honest. This is the best I’ve felt in years Kendall. Can you believe I’m actually excited to go back to work?” She laughed. 

Kendall pulled a face in disgust, “Cheryl, that’s gross. Don’t say that again.”

Cheryl laughed in response, “Well it’s true! As thankful as I am, I think any longer in that place and I would of started to feel trapped and gone backwards,” she explained. 

“Well I for one am extremely glad to have you back home! I missed my housemate!”

“You didn’t um...you didn’t tell anybody what happened did you?” Cheryl was so anxious about people finding out where she had been and deeming her as ‘crazy.’

“No ofcourse not. I had people over a couple of times and anybody that asked about my housemate I just told them you were visiting family for a couple of months,” Kendall explained. 

Cheryl let go of a breath she didn’t realise she was holding, “okay good. Thank you. I really appreciate it, it’s just...”

“It’s okay,” Kendall interrupted, “ I get it. It’s nobody’s business but your own,” she said, smiling at Cheryl as the came to stop at a red light. 

“What would I do without you?” Cheryl smiled back

“I do not want to find out,” Kendall giggled. “You keen to hit up the drive thru before we head home?” She asked

“Oh my god yes please I’ve been craving a coffee frappe for like 2 weeks!” She said, practically drooling at the thought. 

Kendall winked in response, “Mmm sounds good, let’s do it girl!” 

-

A week later things had to return to pretty much normal. Cheryl had gone back to work the Monday after she got out and she was more than thankful for the distraction. She always had enjoyed her job and it kept her busy for the majority of the day, provided structure and routine to her days and of course she got paid to be there so she really couldn’t complain.   
She walked in the front door of her shared house on Friday evening at 5pm to find Kendall blasting music and putting on her make-up.

“Hey,” Cheryl said as she approached her in the bathroom.

“Oh hey!” Kendall responded, taking a break from doing her mascara to look at Cheryl. “First week done and dusted hey? How are we feeling?” She asked 

“Really good actually. It feels good to be back to kind of normal,” Cheryl responded

“I’m so glad Cher, it’s nice to see you somewhat content,”

“It’s nice to feel somewhat content,” Cheryl agreed

“Well I hope it’s cool with you but I’ve invited a few people over for drinks later tonight,” Kendall half asked her with a sheepish smile. “I know you’re not really a fan of parties but it’s going to be chill I promise,”

“It’s all good Kendall, but I’m probably just gonna hang in my room to be honest. I’m kinda shattered from this week,”

“Yeah ofcourse! Whatever works for you Cher, but feel free to join us anytime yeah?”

“Thanks, I’ll see how I’m feeling later,” Cheryl said appreciatively. 

Once Kendall was done in the bathroom Cheryl decided to take a long, hot, much deserved showered. She washed her hair with her favourite pomegranate shampoo and scrubbed her entire body with a coconut oil and coffee body scrub before wrapping herself in a fresh towel and collapsing into her bed with a sigh of satisfaction. She didn’t realise just how exhausted she was until her heavy eyes started closing and she drifted into a light sleep. 

-

She awoke several hours later when she heard a loud knock at the front door and Kendall screeched out “Oh my god heeeeey girl!” much louder than necessary. She reached over and pressed the home button on her phone to reveal that it was 9.50pm. She’d been napping for almost three hours and would no doubt struggle to sleep through the night now. She could here music playing from out the back at a relatively low level and a few people chatting and laughing. Part of her was actually in the mood to go out and say hello and see who was there. But another part of her was way to nervous to make an appearance. She decided to get dressed anyway since she had fallen asleep in her towel. She put in a pair of tight black leggings and a baggy, baby pink jumper before pulling her hair into a messy bun on top of her head. Pacing her room, she still couldn’t bring herself to leave, so she decided to text Kendall. 

_SOS. Want to socialise but too anxious. Send tequila._

Within two minutes Kendall was knocking on her bedroom door. Cheryl opened it up to see her standing there with a huge, tipsy smile on her face, two shot glasses and a bottle of silver tequila in her hands. 

“Yaaaas Queen I’m so excited to get lit with you! Are you sure you’re feeling up to drinking? It’s not gonna like, fuck with your meds or anything?” She asked, slurring slightly. 

Cheryl smiled at her caring, albeit drunk sentiment. “I’ll be all good as long as I don’t go too hard,” she told Kendall. The one thing Cheryl really wanted to do was get high, but it had been over a month since she last smoked and she was slightly hesitant that it was going to be counterproductive for her recovery. Although she thought it would probably be better for her than drinking, but she didn’t have any anyway, so it wasn’t really an option. She just wanted to get somewhat intoxicated enough to fit in in a social setting. 

Kendall set the two shot glasses down on Cheryl’s bedside table. She poured the tequila in and handed one to Cheryl’s. 

“Bottoms up girl,” 

“What, no lemon? No salt?” Cheryl said raising an eyebrow. 

“What do you think I am? I don’t have time for that shit,” Kendall defended. She held her glass up towards Cheryl and raised her eyebrows. Cheryl rolled her eyes but raised her glass and clinked with Kendall’s. They both threw their heads back as they downed the shots. The liquid burned Cheryl’s throat as she swallowed it down and she had to forced herself not to gag. She never was much of a drinker, usually opting to seek out the stoners at a party. Her nostrils burned as she breathed out. 

“More.” She ordered, holding her glass towards Kendall, who obligated without hesitation. 

“But then that’s it for now at least. I’m not gonna be responsible for holding your hair back while you puke tonight,” Kendall said before slamming back another shot herself. Cheryl mirrored her actions, already feeling the slight warm, fuzzy feeling radiate throughout her body. 

“We will leave this here to come back to,” said Kendall as stuffed the cork back into the tequila bottle. Both girls stood up from sitting on Cheryl’s bed and Kendall smoothed her playsuit out before looking Cheryl up and down. 

“You opting for the comfy option tonight huh?”

“Piss off. I’m at home why would I bother with being uncomfortable?” Cheryl questioned.

“Whatever man. Come on,” Kendall said as she grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the room, “let’s go socialise!”

Cheryl gulped as Kendall pulled her through the house out to the backyard where everyone was gathered. Kendall had strung fairy lights up under the back porch, there was a fire pit in the middle of the garden and blankets and cushions scattered around the fire pit where people were gathered. There were significantly less people than she expected, only about ten. So that, plus the two shots of tequila she just consumed had Cheryl feeling less anxious and slightly excited to converse with adults who weren’t medicated up to their eyeballs. She followed Kendall over to the fire where they both plopped down onto a cushion and Kendall half sort of introduced her to the group of people. 

“Guys this is my housemate Cheryl, Cheryl this is everyone. I think you know Emma and Zach,” she said pointing out the couple who Cheryl had met on multiple occasions.   
Cheryl waved and them before saying hi to the group as everyone rambled their names off to her. Somebody offered her a drink and she gladly accepted, taking a large swig of the pink, sugary liquid. 

She smiled to herself as she sat contently and observed the people around her. She was never much of a social butterfly but was quite content with simply watching and listening, never really feeling that great of a need to interact with people she was unfamiliar with. She held her hands out in front of her, absorbing the heat from the fire and smiling to herself. Cheryl was undoubtedly proud of how far she had come these last few months. She hadn’t felt this strong, mentally or emotionally in a long time. And although a large part of her was still scared of relapsing, she was more than willing to relish in this feeling while it lasted. 

Without warning she felt a pressure on her back as somebody wrapped their arms around her and tackled her to the ground, squeezing her in their arms. The person let out a little squeal as Cheryl tried to process what just happened, the smell of alcohol almost radiating off the person.

“I missed you my smoking buddy!” The voice cried and then unwrapped Cheryl before offering her a hand to pull her back up into a sitting position. 

Toni smiled broadly at the look of shock on Cheryl’s face. 

“Toni. Hi. Oh my god you just scared the crap out of me I had no idea who you were,” Cheryl explained, holding a hand over her heart dramatically.

“Sorry!” She giggled in response, taking a large sip of her drink that matched Cheryl’s. “Wow dude, I feel like I actually haven’t seen you in months! It’s so good to see you!”

Honestly, Cheryl was surprised that Toni even remembered who she was. She wasn’t used to being memorable or missable and it certainly came as a surprise that a girl Cheryl thought was the epitome of cool, had missed her being around. 

She simply laughed in response, “Yeah I’ve been away for a little while but, back now!” She said. 

“Yeah Kendall said you went away. How was it? Where did you go?” Toni inquired. 

Cheryl hesitates before skulling back the rest of her drink. “Nowhere special,” she said “It’s uh, a long story.”

“Well I’d love to hear about it,” Toni continued. Cheryl instantly felt a wave of anxiety flood over her. She knew this would come up eventually but didn’t think it would be the first conversation she had. 

Cheryl felt Toni observing her as she awkwardly glanced around the group. She didn’t know these people and she didn’t want them to know these particular facts about herself and where she had been. Really, she didn’t know Toni all that well either but for some reason she was actually considering telling her the truth. Toni could obviously sense her hesitation.

“Or not,” Toni continued. “That’s cool. But honestly I could do with a little smoke break. You keen?” She asked, pulling a baggy out of her bra and waving it in front of Cheryl’s eyes. 

It had been probably the longest break from smoking Cheryl had had since she started in high school. Her stay at the facility had served also as a detox, unbeknownst to the staff there. But she felt it was good for her personally as it allowed her to get everything out of her system, prescribed drugs included and to start fresh so to speak. She was more than keen to get stoned and knew it wouldn’t take much, but she was also determined not to let herself fall back into the smoking everyday habit she had maintained for years. Toni really didn’t have to convince her at all. 

“Do you think Kendall will care if we sneak off?” Toni asked. Both girls looked over to see Kendall sitting on some guys lap, nuzzling his neck and whispering in his ear. 

“I’m sure she won’t even notice,” Cheryl responded, “besides, this is my house too, I can do what I want,” she said, full of sass and she stood up and dusted off the back of her leggings. 

“That is an excellent point,” Toni agreed, holding her hand out for Cheryl to pull her up. 

Toni followed Cheryl back inside the house and she led her to her bedroom. 

“I don’t usually smoke inside,” she explained, “ I hate the smell that lingers. But I don’t feel like smoking in front of everyone to be honest. People are scavengers.” 

Toni laughed in response, “it’s okay. I’m not judging. I occasionally have a late night smoke in my room also, and I’m not here to smoke anyone out except for you, coz you’re special,” she said with a wink. 

“Naww,” was the only response Cheryl could muster. She felt herself blushing but tried to hide it, not really sure why this girl she barely knew had such an effect on her. She continued on to her bedroom and let Toni follow behind her before closing the door. 

Toni looked around her room slowly, taking every little detail in. She had been in there once before, the morning she brought Cheryl a coffee, but she had never actually spent time in there. And Cheryl intrigued her. She scanned her eyes around the room as Cheryl fumbled around in the closet. The room was incredibly clean and minimal, yet cosy at the same time. Cheryl had styled the room in a way that was totally unexpected to Toni. She almost expected a gothic-victorian esque room with a canopy bed and black curtains. But she walked into a relaxing oasis, mostly white with a pale aqua feature wall with the queen sized bed up against it. The furniture was all washed out wood, there were fairy lights hanging over one wall, a salt lamp glowing on the bedside table and various crystals adorning the chest of drawers. 

“Your room is so....calm,” Toni stated. “Like, in a good way.”

“Thanks,” Cheryl responded as she pulled a box out of her closet. She opened the lid to reveal several different glass bongs of different sizes and colours. “I like it to be kinda zen in here, I hate clutter and mess. It makes me feel out of control of my life if that makes sense,”

“I get that,” Toni said, nodding in agreement. “It’s nice. I like it.”

Cheryl smiled “Me too. It’s been a long time since anybody other than Kendall has been in here actually.”

“Well, in that case, I feel pretty special!”

“You should,” Cheryl countered with a smirk, “now onto important business, who would you like to meet tonight?” She gestured towards her box of smoking implements. Toni took each piece out one by one and studied them closely before deciding on a small rainbow coloured bong made of frosted glass.   
“Nice choice. One of my favs,” Cheryl told her.   
Both girls settled onto Cheryl’s bed as she prepared their smoke session. 

“You seem different.” Toni states out of the blue. Cheryl looked up from what she was doing and saw Toni studying her intently. 

“Different how? I mean, we’ve only hung out a couple of times so I’m curious as to how I’ve changed, no offence,” Cheryl said to her. 

“None taken. I’m not sure to be honest. You just seem...lighter? More relaxed maybe?”

“Probably just coz I’m at my own house and I’m comfortable here?” Cheryl half asked half stated. She packed a bowl and offered it to Toni who gladly accepted. 

“It’s not that. I dunno. I can’t explain it,” she said before taking a deep breath and pulling her bong. She blew out a cloud of smoke as Cheryl got up off the bed to crack the window open a little. 

“Thank you,” Toni said, coughing slightly. 

“Thanks yourself,” Cheryl said as she plopped down into the bed next to Toni. “I have a confession to make,” she stated 

“Oh yeah?” Toni questioned raising an eyebrow. 

“I may possibly pass the fuck out after smoking this. I haven’t smoked for almost 2 months,” Cheryl explained. 

“Nice work.” Toni praised her. “I wish I could go that long without it. I like getting high and I believe I’m a full functioning stoner, but it’s an expensive habit.”

“Thanks. It wasn’t exactly by choice but yeah. I’m trying to think of it as a tolerance break, I’m trying to not fall back into smoking everyday,” Cheryl told her. 

“Not your choice how, exactly?” Toni inquired. 

Cheryl looked her in the eyes, hesitating. “I uh...I....hold on a sec,” she said before bringing the bong up to her mouth and quickly smoking it. She instantly felt that familiar old feeling hit her body, albeit slightly more intense than usual. Her body relaxed, her eyes went heavy and she instinctively sunk lower into the pillows on her bed. 

“That was nice,” she smiled goofily. Toni laughed. 

“You look baked as a cake,” she pointed out. 

“Yup. Accurate observation.” Cheryl declared. She looked at the other girl through her heavy eyelids and thought out loud “why do I feel so comfortable with you?”

Toni seemed taken aback by that question. “I uh, I’m not really sure. I feel the same. We must both just be vibrating at the same frequency, ya know?” 

Cheryl cracked up laughing, “something like that,” she agreed. 

Toni made herself more comfortable on the bed before facing Cheryl again, “Soo, you were gonna tell me about how you haven’t smoked for a few months?”

“Oh right. Yeah. Um.” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes before starting again. “Well I know Kendall’s told everyone that I was staying out of town or I was at my parents or whatever but that’s not true. The truth is things have been really shitty for me lately and long story short I just wanted to fucking destroy myself and I didn’t trust myself and Kendall was worried about me too so yeah basically I was in hospital for a while because I’m fucked in the head and can’t control self destructive impulses,” she forced out in one big breath. She opened her eyes to find Toni staring at her intently with a small smile on her face. 

“Thank you for telling me that. You didn’t have to. But I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to share it with me.”

Cheryl simply shrugged in response. 

“That’s really brave of you Cheryl, to ask for help when you need it. A lot of people would never do that. And that doesn’t make you fucked in the head. It just makes you human. I’d never judge you for struggling. I’ve had my fair share of struggles too,” Toni continued. 

“Really? You seem so....together,” Cheryl said.

“Maybe now. But if you’d have met me five years ago you would have ran for the hills. I promise you that.”

“Why, what were you like?” Cheryl inquired. 

“Angry. Very angry. And stubborn and I blamed everyone else for my issues. I lashed out at my Mom one too many times and she kicked me out. I never went back and she still won’t speak to me even though I’ve got my shit together now. I don’t blame her though, I was fucking awful to her. I couldn’t control it. But it’s no excuse.” Toni looked sad after revealing all that to Cheryl, she looked over to her solemnly, “Sorry I totally just stole your thunder,”

“No! Not at all! Toni, that is really shit. But I’m glad we can sorta relate in some way. I have nothing to do with my parents either. They literally told me I was too crazy for them to deal with coz I quit school coz I was basically too depressed to function.”

“That fucking sucks too Cheryl. We both deserve better,” Toni sympathised. 

“Honestly I thought I deserved it for a really long time, Toni. I pushed everyone away after they kicked me out, isolated myself majorly. Smoked a shit load of weed. It’s only these last few months that have helped me realise that I was never the problem. I just have problems. Mostly caused by my parents.” Cheryl sighed. 

“You are definitely not the problem Cheryl. I promise you that,” Toni smiled that gorgeous smile again at Cheryl that made her feel a way she didn’t quite understand. 

“You’re pretty cool you know that Toni?” She responded. 

“I know.” Toni smiled cockily. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

The girls continued to chat and smoke a little more when not too long after the bedroom door burst open to reveal Kendall. 

“I followed my nose and I knew I’d find you two bitches in here,” she hiccuped before plopping herself down on Cheryl’s bed. 

“We needed a smoke break,” Cheryl defended. 

“I thought you wanted to socialise?” Kendall questioned, the stench of bourbon lingering in the air around her. 

“What, do I not count as a person?” Toni asked Kendall

“Yeah, I am socialising, see?” Cheryl said as she gestured between herself and Toni. 

Kendall hiccuped loudly and rolled her eyes. “Fiiine. It’s acceptable for this night only because special exceptions okay?” She blabbered. 

“Thank you Queen, for your blessing,” Cheryl said before pretending to bow down to Kendall. 

“You are both welcome! Now stand up and get your asses outside we are all gonna play a game so everyone can get on my level!” She half shouted excitedly. 

Both Toni and Cheryl stood up, albeit reluctantly. “And what game would that be?” Questioned Toni as they both follow Kendall out of Cheryl’s room. 

“Why, Never Have I Ever, ofcourse!” She said, doing a leap for joy through the dining area as she made her way outside to announce the game to the rest of the party. 

“Greeeeat,” Cheryl said monotonously. “Coz that always ends up going so well!” She whispered to Toni as the two of them reluctantly made their way outside.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party continues and ends in a super cute way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while. 5 more weeks of studying for me and then I can focus more on this fic! I missed writing and am enjoying pouring myself into this. Hope you guys enjoy, let me know x

The game was boring. The only thing that was keeping Cheryl’s interest were the sassy remarks Toni was whispering under her breath whenever one of Kendall’s friends said something incredibly cringey. It was the same old same old, never have I ever stolen something, never have I ever cheated on my partner,  
“Never have I ever given a flying fuck about what any of you have to say,” Cheryl whispered under her breathe causing Toni to snort back a laugh. Cheryl looked at her and rolled her eyes, thinking how she would much rather be back in her bedroom smoking and enjoying some one on one time with her new friend. Shots were knocked back as quickly as they were being poured and Cheryl noted Kendall getting drunker and drunker with each confession that was made. She hiccuped loudly before calling out one of her friends.  
“Joeyyyy, it’s your turn! Tell us all your secrets,” she giggled   
Cheryl had never been a huge fan of Joey, simply for the fact that she found her to be quiet a rude person. The type of person who would ride in Kendall’s car with them to the beach and listen to her headphones the entire way. Or do the complete opposite and be on a phone call the entire length of the drive which pissed Cheryl right off when all she wanted to do was enjoy some tunes on the drive home. Another thing that bugged her out was the fact that Joey was going on 40 years old and for some reason chose to hang around a group of people who were all under 25. Cheryl tried not to be judgy based on that fact alone, but something about her just gave Cheryl a bad vibe. So it was safe to say that she generally chose not to engage in conversation with Joey. The woman snapped her head up at the mention of her name

“Umm okay...never have I ever...oh no wait I did that,” Joey laughed out loud. 

Cheryl saw Toni roll her eyes at the generic phrase,

“Why are these people so predictable?” She whispered to Cheryl 

“Coz they’re boring and so is this game,” Cheryl responded. 

“Oh okay! Never have I ever kissed another girl!” She remarked. 

Typical, Cheryl thought. She watched as Toni knocked back a shot of tequila. She eyed the girl up and down before Toni caught her eye. Cheryl downed her own shot and felt the warm sensation spread from her throat throughout her body. She’d had her fair share of make out sessions with a few old friends. But it meant nothing. She was always adamant that it was for no reason other than free drinks from lurking males enjoying the show and too much alcohol in her system. Kisses meant nothing. Toni leaned over and whispered in her ear,   
“Let’s spice things up a little then hey?”   
Without another word she crawled across the circle of people to Joey, grabbed her head with both hands and gave her a kiss right on the mouth. Joey reciprocated willingly. It was short and sweet and made Cheryl feel a way she was unfamiliar with. Toni pulled away and Joey’s face lit up instantly   
“There you go, now you have! Drink up, buttercup!” She told Joey as she moved back over to sit next to Cheryl. Cheryl looked at her curiously, trying to decipher the mysterious girl who had quickly become a part of her life. 

“What?” Toni giggled, taking a sip of her drink. 

“Nothing,” Cheryl responded. “I just don’t like her,” she explained. 

“Aw, you jelly?”

Cheryl snorted. “Definitely not,”

Toni held a hand over her heart in mock offence, “Ouch!” 

Cheryl rolled her eyes as the game continued on. It didn’t take long before the alcohol combined with her high started to make her feel unwell. She could feel the dizziness taking over her as the people surrounding her started to blur. She knew this feeling all too well and if she didn’t stop drinking now she would be spending the night with her head in the toilet. 

“I need to go lie down, I don’t feel good,” she explained to Toni, who eyed her with a concerned look. Cheryl stood up, quicker than she should have and had to hold herself up against the wall. Toni stood up and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, “Come on,” she said, “Let’s get you to bed.”

The shorter girl guided Cheryl inside and back to her room. “I’m fine, really. I just...too much mixing of stimulants and now I’ve got headspins,” Cheryl explained as they walked through her bedroom door. 

“I know the feeling all to well,” Toni sympathised. “You hop into bed and I’ll just go grab you some water okay. Do you need a bucket just incase?” 

Cheryl thought for a moment as she laid back on her bed, staring at her fairy lights in a daze, “Mmm, maybe just incase, there’s one in the laundry room.”

“Okay, back in a sec,” Toni said as she slipped out the room, shutting the door behind her. Cheryl stripped herself down to her underwear and grabbed her sleep shirt from under her pillow. She turned her fan on and snuggled under her sheets, closing her eyes slowly and praying that the dizziness went away soon. God, she did not miss this feeling at all. She knew it was self inflicted from mixing alcohol and weed at the wrong ratio, but that didn’t stop her from feeling sorry for herself. As she settled into her plush pillows Toni came back into the room with a bucket, two bottles of water and a package of paracetamol. 

“You’re an angel. Thank you so much,” Cheryl smiled up at her. 

“You’re welcome, here,” she held out a bottle of water, “drink as much as you can before you fall asleep. It’ll help prevent the hangover. Most people don’t realise it’s usually caused by dehydration,” Toni explained. 

Cheryl cracked the cap open and skulled as much back as she could, already feeling a little better. 

“Thanks again, ugh, I feel like such a lightweight right now,” she laughed, “although I did make Kendall bring me tequila before I even left my room earlier. Thank you social anxiety!” She blurted. 

“Oh, the liquid courage betrayed you,” Toni sympathised. 

“Indeed it did,” Cheryl agreed, letting her eyes close slowly. 

“Well I’m gonna head back out, I’ll let Kendall know you’ve gone to bed if you want? I’m staying over anyway so I’m sure I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Yes please. She’ll get pissy if she thinks I bailed without telling anyone. Thanks for taking care of me,” she smiled, eyes still closed. 

“Anytime Cheryl, feel better soon.” Toni responsed as she slipped out the door. 

-

It had been a while since she’d found herself in this situation. Barefoot and sprinting for her life through the thick, muddy forest. She didn’t even bother to look behind her. It was always the same. Always him. She heard the crunch of his footsteps getting closer and closer and her chest tightened and once again, she tripped over and landed face first in the mud. She quickly pulled herself up, spitting dirt from her mouth. She wasn’t sure why she kept on fighting everytime this happened. It was always the same in the end. He won. She lost. She ran out of breath as the icy water entered her lungs and that was it. Eternal darkness. Sometimes she woke up mad that it hadn’t been real. Infuriated at the fact that she had to live the same nightmare over and over, night after night. Surely it would be easier if she really had just let him win and she would be done fighting for good. But usually she woke up a sweaty, out of breath mess. Struggling to ground herself and snap back into reality.   
This particular time she was, for some reason, able to continue running after she had fallen. Usually at this point her legs stopped working all together. She pushed on through the forest and quickly found herself in front of that god foresaken stream. It was running fast, flowing heavily over jutting rocks and branches. She either had to attempt to jump across it or wait for her usual fate. She’d never made it this far before. She obviously took too long in making her decision because she felt a tug on the back of her head. She waited for her head to hit the ground again...but this time, it didn’t. She opened her eyes and saw the stars shining brightly through the dark tree tops above her. Her body shook involuntarily and she heard her name, in fact felt it being said as his breathe floated across her face. 

“Cheryl,” he said again. Only it wasn’t his voice. It wasn’t him. But it was familiar. She just couldn’t place it...

“Cheryl!” The voice called louder and she jolted awake, her body instinctively snapping up in her bed and her forehead smacking straight into something hard. 

“Ouch! Ow!” The same voice groaned in pain. “That’s gonna leave a bruise.”

Cheryl squinted through the darkness, trying to ground herself while simultaneously figure out who the fuck was in front of her. 

“It’s just me, can I get in?”

It finally clicked and Cheryl sighed in relief. “Toni?”

“Yes, Toni,” she confirmed. 

“Oh fuck. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was having a nightmare and it blurred with reality. Are you okay? I’m so sorry!” Cheryl babbles, feeling guilt and a sense of confusion all at the same time. 

“I’m fine, don’t worry about it. I should expect it really, waking you up at this hour. But I need your help,” Toni rambled, clearly quiet a lot drunker than when she had put Cheryl to bed. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Well I clearly made a mistake when I kissed Joey early, because she keeps trying to make out with me and I need to fucking hide. Can I stay in here with you! Please?” She whispered, glancing back at the bedroom door. Cheryl could still hear music playing loudly. 

“What time is it?” Cheryl asked her

“I dunno like 3am ish?”

“Where’s Kendall?” Cheryl questioned

“She passed out a while ago. It’s just Joey and I left and we were having a good chat and I said to her I hoped it was okay that I kissed her before, but I just did it coz I felt bad that everyone else got to drink and she didn’t, which is true but I also was bored and I dunno I shouldn’t have done it without asking first but she was all like ‘omg no it’s totally fine, actually it was great’ and then she fucking kissed me again and I was like ‘okay, this is fine’ but then I very quickly was like ‘wait what the fuck am I doing’ because not to be rude but I’m the opposite of attracted to her she I pulled away and pretended I needed to go pee and she fucking followed me into the bathroom and then I somehow managed to get past her and well, here I am,” Toni explained out of breath and slightly slurring as she explained the situation she had just escaped.  
Cheryl blinked several times, trying to process what Toni had just rambled to her in her half asleep, just-in-a-nightmare state. 

“Soo...you’re telling me you kissed a girl, without asking. And then she did the same thing to you. And you didn’t like it?” She asked, voice dripping with sarcasm. 

“Yes! God! I get it, I shouldn’t have kissed her but please, Cheryl. Help me out here I do not want to hook up with her. I thought I was just being nice!” She whined, kneeling on the bed next to Cheryl, who giggled in response. 

“It’s not funny!” She whined again

“It kinda is. I think that’s what they call... karma?” Cheryl teased. 

Toni rolled her eyes and moved to stand up off the bed “you know what, don’t worry about it I’ll just go sleep with Kendall and whatever guy she dragged into her bed tonight,”

“You know I’m kidding, come on, get in,” Cheryl giggled as she pulled the covers back and shuffled over to make room for Toni. It had been a ridiculously long time since she’d had a sleep over and the sense of having somebody else next to her in bed made her feel slightly more at ease about falling back asleep. Maybe it would stop the nightmare from continuing. It was in that moment that she realised she forgot to take her medication in her drunken state, and that was more than likely one hundred percent the reason the dream had reappeared. 

Toni hopped in the bed beside her just as they both heard a bang on the door and Joey barged her way in. Toni quickly pulled the blankets up to cover her face.   
“Toni?” She called into the dark room, squinting her eyes trying to make out the shapes in the bed. 

“Do you mind?” Cheryl responded “I’m trying to sleep,”

“Just lookin’ for Toni,” the drunk girl responded. 

“Yeah, she’s trying to sleep too,”

“Oh, we were just hanging out and she disappeared,” Joey explained. 

“Yeah she came in here and passed out, sorry.” Cheryl said has she hopped out of bed. A part of her felt bad for the girl and the fact that she had been abandoned at the party so she decided to play nice and make her feel somewhat comfortable. She left her bedroom and ushered Joey out behind her, “I think somebody is in the spare room but you can sleep on the couch, there’s some blankets on there too,” Cheryl told her. 

“Thanks Cheryl. Do you mind if I grab a bottle of water?” She asked her. 

“Sure. You go get comfy and I’ll bring you one,” she told the girl. Cheryl grabbed a bottle from the fridge before going outside to turn the music off that was still blasting through the speaker ‘great another reason for the neighbours to hate us’ she thought as she locked up the back door that Kendall had left wide open. 

She made her way back to the lounge room and handed the water to Joey. 

“Do you think Toni likes me?” She suddenly asked

Cheryl was shocked to say the least, “Erm. I don’t really know Joey. To be honest I think she was just really drunk tonight...” she explained gently. 

“Yeah that’s what I thought. Goodnight Cheryl,” she said, rolling onto her side and facing her back to Cheryl. 

Cheryl walked out of the lounge room and made her way back to her bedroom. She slinked back into the room, closing the door quietly behind her.   
Toni peeked our from under the covers at Cheryl who rolled her eyes, “You’re welcome,” she said, making her way back over to her bed and getting back under the covers, on the side closest to the wall. She usually slept smack bang in the middle of the bed but not tonight, apparently. 

“I’m sorry!” Toni said, “but thank you! And before you say anything, yes I have well and truly learned my lesson!”

“Good! And just so you’re aware of your effect on people, she just asked me if I think you like her.”

Toni buried her head under the covers again, groaning dramatically.

“Now do me a favour and pass me one of the green and orange pills from that drawer would you?” Cheryl pointed to the bedside table. 

“Sure,” Toni opened the drawer to looked for the pill. She fished it out and handed one to the redhead “theres all kinds of pills in there Cheryl...” she commented, her tone laced with worry

“Well I’m all kinds of fucked up,” Cheryl retorted, swallowing the pill with a gulp of water. 

“I didn’t mean to offend you. It just worries me,”

“It’s fine Toni, most of them are old prescriptions that I need to get rid of. I only take one in the morning and this one at night now. And Ativan when I need it. Which hasn’t been too often lately.” Cheryl explained. 

“Is that a sleeping pill?” Toni asked referring to the one she just gave her 

“Eh, kind of. I have nightmares and it stops them. I forgot to take it when you put me to bed earlier and when you came in just now you woke me up in the middle of one, so thankyou I guess.” Cheryl yawned and lay back against her pillows, rolling over to face Toni. 

“What kind of nightmares?”

“Just about some bullshit from when I was a kid. I don’t really like talking about it to be honest. It’s bad enough that I can’t escape it even when I’m asleep so I try to avoid the topic,” Cheryl explained.

“I’m sorry for whatever it was you went through,” Toni yawned as she got comfortable in the bed. Cheryl felt her shift closer to her under the covers and her heart started pounding in her chest. 

“It’s not your fault,”

“I know. But you didn’t deserve it. Whatever it was. And if you ever do wanna talk I’m always here okay?” Toni closed her eyes and Cheryl watched as she sunk further into the pillows. 

“Thank you, I appreciate it Toni,” Cheryl smiled. 

Toni smiled back, eyes still closed. “Of course. And you’re not all kinds of fucked up,” she mumbled and scooted even closer. Cheryl snorted back a laugh. “Well I mean, maybe you are,” Toni continued “but I think all the best people are.”

“Maybe,” Cheryl countered, “maybe not.”

“Hmmm,” Toni sighed. Before Cheryl realised what was happening the shorter girl had snuggled into her side and stretched her arm across her stomach, one leg bent up over Cheryl’s hip, cuddling her closely. Cheryl froze, not used to the close contact in general, and certainly not used to somebody cuddling her in bed, especially another girl. 

“Um, Toni?”

“Hmm?” She responded. 

“You’re like...spooning me...”

Toni gave her a little squeeze, “I like to snuggle.” She explained. 

“Oh,” was all Cheryl could say as she tried to relax her body a little. 

“Is that okay?” 

“I’m just not used to it is all. I’ve never snuggled with anybody before...” Cheryl confessed.

“It’s nice isn’t it?” Toni whispered, another yawn escaping her. 

Cheryl watched as her breathing evened out and felt herself relax more in her hold. 

“Yeah, it kind of is...” she agreed, exhaling a deep breath and letting herself fall into a dreamless slumber.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for the long break! Studies are officially finished for me so more time to focus on this now, yay! I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Cheryl elbowed Toni three times that night. Twice in the ribs and once in the face. She wasn’t used to sleeping next to another person and every time she went to roll over Toni ended up copping the wrath of her elbows.  
It was nice though. Having a warm body next to hers. Having somebody willingly chose to be that close to her. It almost felt... intimate. And it made Cheryl feel all sorts of things that she really did not understand. But it was nice. And for some reason it felt natural.  
Cheryl awoke before her snuggle buddy the next morning. She almost freaked out when she realised their was somebody cuddled into the side of her before she thought back to the previous evening and remembered everything that had happened. She smiled to herself at how nice it felt to have met somebody who was seemingly on the same level as her, and smiled even bigger when she felt Toni squeeze her lightly in her sleep and let out a little snore. She slowly peeled the other girls arms from around her and sat up in her bed stretching. Deciding to repay the other girl for her hospitality all those months ago she hopped out of bed to go make them both a cup of coffee. The house was a mess and she could still hear Kendall snoring through her closed bedroom door. Peeking her head around to the lounge room, she sighed in relief when she noticed Joey had already left. She went to the bathroom and proceeded to make coffee. She cleaned the kitchen absentmindedly while waiting for it to brew. She was a bit of a ‘clean freak’ as Kendall put it. But to be honest Cheryl thought Kendall was a massive slob and was beyond grateful that she could simply shut her bedroom door and block her room off. They had come to an agreement that Kendall would keep the rest of the house clean, excluding her bedroom, as long as the door stayed closed. Cheryl was happy with that considering she had been pushed almost to breaking point about a year ago when she was consistently cleaning up after Kendall’s mess. She knew she didn’t have to, but her brain wouldn’t let her relax if there was mess, and that became extremely tiring at the rate that Kendall messed things up. Before she knew it the coffee was brewed and the kitchen cleaned after she lost herself in her thoughts. She poured two cups and made her way back to her bedroom. She walked in and placed the cups of coffee on the bedside table next to Toni before turning back around to close the door. She hopped back into bed, deciding to let Toni sleep while she scrolled through her phone, knowing the other girl was more than likely going to be nursing a brutal hangover after the number of shots she took last night. Surprisingly Toni began shifting beside her and Cheryl looked over just as she opened her eyes. A smile immediately lit up Toni’s face.

“Morning sunshine,” she rasped out, “oh my god is that for me?” She asked, noticing the steaming cup on the bedside table. 

“Morning. Sure is,” Cheryl replied, trying to ignore the way her stomach did a flip at Toni’s greeting. She smiled as she took a long sip from her own coffee. “You’re welcome.”

“Oh my god you’re an angel!” Toni exclaimed taking a large gulp of coffee and snuggling further under the covers. “Thanks for letting me crash with you last night. That’s was uh...a mistake I definitely learned from,” she said, rolling her eyes. 

Cheryl laughed in response “yeah I bet you did. I think you broke the poor girls heart,”

“Uhh, don’t! I feel bad enough as it is. And my head is fucking throbbing, I’m not ready to be awake yet!” Toni whined

“Well go back to sleep then! I can guarantee you Kendall will be dead to the world until at least midday, and I’m doing nothing but washing and binging Netflix today so, be my guest” Cheryl told her as she gestured around her room.

“You’re bed is ridiculously comfy,” 

Cheryl nodded “I’m aware. Make the most of it,” she insisted.

“I appreciate it. I can’t really bare the thought of being at home today and listening to my mom bitch to me about the effects of binge drinking,” Toni explained as she took another large gulp of her coffee. Cheryl grabbed the remote for her tv and turned Netflix on

“Yeah that sounds like...not a lot of fun,” she giggled. “You sleep that hangover off and I’m gonna find something to binge watch.”

“Okay,” Toni yawned. “Thanks again Cheryl, you’re really cool you know that?” She mumbled as she closed her eyes again. 

Cheryl smiled at that. “You’re pretty cool yourself Toni. Sweet dreams.”

-

After that night Toni seemed to be hanging out with Kendall more than ever. And as a direct result, Cheryl had begun hanging out with the both of them more often. For multiple reasons but only one that she would admit to herself, and that was that she had made a commitment to herself to make more of an effort in her social life. The three of them went out for lunches, went hiking and hung out at Kendall and Cheryl’s house a lot of the time. Cheryl had really been pushing herself out of her social anxiety induced comfort zone and she generally found that when Toni was around it was much more bearable. One night Cheryl had even hung out with Toni without Kendall. It was purely because Kendall was too hungover to come out, but Cheryl was kind of glad it worked out that way because she got to meet Toni’s best friend and see her around a different group of people. Cheryl and Toni had exchanged numbers after the night Toni crashed in Cheryl’s room and had been texting and snap chatting each other for a while. Usually it was to organise hang outs, or just so Cheryl could vent about Kendall’s frustrating habits as a housemate to somebody who actually understood. But Toni had also offered to be Cheryl’s weed hook up since her usual guy had been MIA since Cheryl had been out of hospital. One particular night Cheryl had text her to ask to meet up to buy weed and Toni had suggested they meet up at a park close by her house and smoke together. Cheryl was more than willing to hang out with Toni, especially since Kendall wouldn’t be accompanying her. 

“Meet me at the robot park” Toni had told her. It took Cheryl a bit of googling to figure out which park she meant but she eventually found her way there. She pulled her car up and flicked off the headlights, thinking she was the first to arrive she began to wonder over to the playground when she heard the now familiar voice call out.

“In here Cher!” It called. Cheryl followed the direction of the voice towards a slight glow that was coming from the giant robot head climbing frame. Inside she found Toni rolling a joint under the light of her phone.  
“Hey stranger!” She smiled as she saw Cheryl. 

“Hey Toni. Thank you so much for helping me out. I feel really guilty about asking you to get me drugs but...you know how it is,” Cheryl rambled. 

“It’s all good. I totally understand. And my friend has a consistent hook up so it’s honestly no bother. I thought we could hang for a little bit while you sample the product?” She said as she proudly held the joint up on the air.

“Sounds amazing,” Cheryl said as she made herself comfortable next to Toni.

“So this is a random place to meet,” Cheryl stated.

“It’s close to my house so I just walked here. That way I don’t have to explain to my mom where I’m going. I just said I was going for a walk,” Toni explained.

“Fair enough. Does your mom know you smoke?”

“Oh hell no. Definitely not. Weed is like, worse than crack in her opinion. Fuck knows why. I think she needs to just have a joint and chill out but that’s never going to happen,” Toni rolled her eyes as she lit up the joint and took a puff. She exhaled and took another small puff before handing it to Cheryl.

“Thanks,” Cheryl smiled, “my mom would never understand either to be honest, so I can relate,” she took a puff and felt the tension in her body instantly ease. “That is delicious,” she stated.

“Tell me about it,” Toni smiled at her. Cheryl noticed Toni look her up and down. 

“What?” She asked curiously

Toni giggled. 

“What!?” Cheryl exclaimed this time.

“My best friend said the most random thing after she met you the other night,”

“Oh god. Did I make a fool of myself?” Cheryl cringed inwardly

“No! Not at all. In fact she thought you were really cool,” Toni insisted.

“Soo...then what did she say?”

Toni giggled again and looked Cheryl in the eyes, “She said that we would make a really good couple.”

Cheryl was shocked to say the least. She tried to cover it by laughing, “What! Well that is pretty random.”

“I know right...”

“I mean, why do we have to be a couple though? Like why can’t we just be cute best friends?” Cheryl tried to downplay the way that comment had made the butterflies in her stomach go beserk but really, it had set off all kinds of crazy thoughts in her mind.

“I know right. It was pretty random. But I guess we are both super attractive so I see where she’s coming from,” Toni said.

“Ahh so you think I’m attractive!” Cheryl responded

Toni rolled her eyes and took another puff of the joint, “Please, you know you are Cheryl,”

“Thanks. Seriously. I’ve never actually had a boyfriend before. I mean I don’t think I’m ugly but atleast now I know I’m somewhat attractive,” she rambled.

“You’re like, the furthest thing from ugly,” Toni insisted.

Cheryl smiled at that, not really knowing what to say. Sensing her shyness Toni quickly changed the subject. She held her hand out to Cheryl, a small baggie of bud in her palm.

“Here, I can’t forget to give you this,”

“Oh, thank you so much. You’re a life saver,” Cheryl said sincerely. 

“Anytime. Seriously.”

Cheryl tucked the bag into her bra and took the last of the joint Toni was offering her. “Wanna see who can go the highest on the swings?”

“Hmm I dunno. I don’t wanna embarrass you!” Toni laughed as she stood up offering her hand to Cheryl, who gratefully accepted it. “Race you there!” She called as she sprinted off.

“Hey no fair! I don’t even know this park. You’re a cheater!” Cheryl called chasing after her.

“Oh no! Are you a sore loser?” Toni laughed as they made it to the swings.

“Not at all. Because I never lose. I just don’t like cheaters,” Cheryl smiled smugly as she plopped herself down into the swing. Toni moved to stand behind her and gave her a push.

“I thought we were seeing who could go highest?” 

“That was before I knew you were a sore loser,” Toni giggled

“I am not!” Cheryl insisted, glaring at the other girl over her shoulder

Toni laughed in response, “Alright I guess I’ll take your word for it.” It was comfortably silent for a few minutes as Cheryl enjoyed the feeling of soaring through the air. Wind tumbling through her long locks, gazing at the stars above as her body still buzzed slightly from the joint they shared. 

“This is nice.” She stated simply. 

“It is isn’t it?” Toni agreed. 

“I enjoy spending time with you,” Cheryl said, inwardly praying she hadn’t made it weird. 

“I like spending time with you too.” 

“Really?” Cheryl questioned. 

“Yeah. Really. I have fun with you. You’re a good person.”

Cheryl laughed a little at that. 

“Why are you so unsure of yourself Cheryl? I feel like you don’t believe me when I say that.”

“I just...it’s just...it’s been a long time since I met a genuinely decent person who didn’t want something from me other than my company.” She explained as Toni brought the swing to a halt. 

“Well it’s true. I honestly really enjoy hanging out with you. More so than Kendall if I’m being honest. But don’t tell her that,” Toni said as she moved to stand in front of Cheryl.

Cheryl smiled at that. Everyone loved Kendall. For reasons Cheryl didn’t quiet understand but she always presumed it was because she was so sociable. 

“Thank you Toni. Really. It truly is nice to know that. And promise I’ll never tell,” she giggled. 

Toni held her pinky finger out to Cheryl, “Pinky promise?” She asked. Cheryl connected her pinky with Toni’s.

“Pinky promise,” Cheryl laughed. She really hasn’t enjoyed simply being with somebody this much in, well... ever. 

“This has been really nice but unfortunately I should go before my mom starts to get suspicious,” Toni said sadly.

“That’s okay. I should head home too, I have work in the morning. But I feel bad letting you walk home alone in the dark. Can I give you a ride?”

“Sure, drop me at the end of my street?” Toni asked sweetly

“Ofcourse,” Cheryl grinned and led the way to her car. It was less than a minute before Toni asked her to pull over and opened the passenger side door, “I’m just a few house down this street,” she explained, “I really appreciate the ride. I know it was out of your way,” she joked. 

“Yeah, you really owe me one for this Toni,” Cheryl said. 

“Anything you want. Just ask,” Toni winked at her. And those damn butterflies reappeared, “I’ll see you this weekend?” 

“Sure. That sounds good. I have no plans,” 

“Good. We’ll do something fun,”

“Sounds like a plan,” Cheryl agreed.

“Drive safe and let me know when you get home,” Toni told her. 

“I will. And I will. You walk safe,” 

Toni laughed. “Always, bye Cheryl.”

“Thanks again Toni, good night!” She called as Toni made her way down the street. She pulled away when she saw her turn into a driveway, knowing she had got to her house safely. Her heart was beating rapidly as she drove home, “What on earth is wrong with you? Calm the fuck down Cheryl!” She said out loud to herself. He head was swarmed with visions of Toni’s smile and the sound of her laughter. She shook her head, forcing herself to concentrate on the road ahead of her. She cranked the volume up and tried to focus on the lyrics of the song playing from her speakers. When she made it home 20 minutes later she stripped down to her underwear and snuggled up under her blankets. She pulled the weed out that Toni had given her and began chopping it up for a pre-bedtime smoke before remembering she had to text Toni. 

‘Home safe! Thanks again! I had a nice night! x’ 

Three dots instantly appeared as Toni typed back. 

‘Anytime Cheryl, sweet dreams and I’ll see you in a few days. Let me know if you need anything at all. I’m here. Night night x’

Aaand the butterflies made another appearance as Cheryl tried to fight the huge grin that broke out on her face. She wasn’t quite sure what she was feeling. She only knew that she had never felt this feeling before. It was weird. But it was really nice.


End file.
